If Only Once More
by Secret Agent Girl
Summary: [Ch. 14] [Right beside you]
1. Chapter 1

Title: **If Only Once More**

Arthur: Secret Agent Girl 

Genre: Drama/Angst

Rating: PG – PG-13

'Ship: S/V (because there just ain't anything else!)

Spoilers: Up to and including 2.14 Double Agent

Summary: Little something for the CM April Challenge. 

Disclaimer: Riiight… I own ALIAS… Don't I wish. I own jack. As is NOTHING (still working on getting a job).

A/N: Not a HUGE writer of Angst but my muse in on a roll lately and when I looked at the credentials for this month's challenge, this came out. Would totally love some feedback (pretty purple button on the bottom) and am a touch on the nervous side as far as letting this one in the challenge. But, I digress. Also, if you like it, I have a few ideas as to how to keep it going. Let me know if you want more. Here we go.

            The steel pinched her skin, turning it a deep red. She wanted to cry out in agony but refused to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they could break her. She pushed against her restraints, hoping to force the bottom rungs of the chair out. It had worked before, but then again she had been lucky last time. She blinked as he walked towards her, a sinister grin playing off his face in an almost cliché fashion. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for what was to come.

            "You know, this would have been over a long time ago if you had just given us what we wanted." He leered at her, leaning in close.

            She could smell his vile breath as he spoke and her stomach churned with each word. "What can I say? I've never been very good at following the rules."

            He stopped for a moment, leaning away from her, amused and shocked by her sudden display of courage, though he didn't know why. She had always been an agent full of 'spunk'. "I'm going to ask you this once more. Tell us where it is."

            "Go to hell."

            His posture straightened immediately. "Yes, well, I'm sure that's an inevitable future." He paused for a moment, leaning over to pick up a syringe on the table sitting across from her. "However, not a future that I plan on fulfilling anytime soon." He leaned closer to her again and injected the needle into the side of her slim neck. "We'll give that time to kick in, shall we? Sodium pentothal always takes a few moments to work." He turned towards the door as her eyes began to droop with exhaustion. "Don't worry, I'll be back soon to finish our little … chat." He sneered before closing the iron door behind him.

            She watched him leave the room, the sound of the door closing echoing off the walls. She stared at the door, willing for it to open again; for a pair of soft green eyes to be on the other side.

            When she woke again, he had returned, this time he was accompanied by another. This one younger, though not void of the same malevolent aura that surrounded the first.

            "So, now that you've had time to adjust to our lovely drug here, do you care to share where they are keeping it?"

            "Go to hell." She repeated vehemently.

            "Sydney, Sydney, Sydney. Are you aware of the side effects of sodium pentothal? One in every five people becomes paralyzed for the rest of their lives." Sloane leered at her.

            Sydney's eyes blinked closed and her mind raced backwards. A memory of ninth grade science class filtered through her mind. A room full of hot and sticky stale air, students barely able to keep their eyes opens as they listened to their teacher, an older man with a monotone voice, drone on about one thing or another. A few coming out of their stupor long enough to take down a name or a date, only to fall back into it a moment later. No student really pays full attention as he begins to explain the law of motion. The words all blur together as he drones on, and Sydney's mind begins to sift back into the present. The only thing sticking out in her mind is Newton's Third Law; for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. For telling Danny the truth he was killed. For not telling Dixon long ago, four agents lost their lives. For wanting to destroy SD-6, she lost a partner and friend. For falling for her handler, she as alone for a year. For destroying SD-6, Sloane and Sark were free. For believing she was safe, she was sitting here now.

            She was pulled back to the present, completely, by the bright lights shown on her face as Sloane leaned back in to her, Sark standing peacefully in the background. "We know that the CIA holds what we want and we know they moved it out of Los Angeles. So, where did they move it? I will only ask you this one last time before I allow Mr. Sark to take over the interrogations." He turned to look at Sark who gave a small smile in return.

            Her eyes blinked shut again as her fatigue began to catch up with her once more. 

She was running. Her breath came out in gasps as she pushed herself further down the streets. She could hear the music from the club in the distance, though she didn't know whether it was in only her mind. She could hear the voice shouting in her ear, begging to know if she was ok.

"Sydney! Sydney! Sydney! Syd, if you can hear me, please, talk to me. Sydney!"

She kept running, sweat dripping over her forehead. She knew she should answer him, quell his fears that she hadn't made it out after the gun fire had broken out. She ducked into the closest alley. It was dark and dank and there was a stench that gave off the impression that this alley had seen a lot of death, perhaps more that Sydney had herself.

            She leaned up against the wall, bracing herself as she tried to slow her breathing. She reached up to her ear and flipped the comm. link so that she could respond to the person at the other end. "Vaughn?"

"Syd? Oh, thank God. Are you ok? Where are you? What happened?" His questions were rushed and pushed together but his voice couldn't hide the pure joy he felt at finally hearing her voice.

"I'm not sure where I am. But I'm ok. I think I ran about half a mile from the club. I can still hear it, a little bit." She takes a breath, turning her back to the opening of the alley way.

"What happened?"

"Sark. He came in, saw me and opened fire. They must have known I was there."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm going to need an extraction in …" She never finished her sentence as she felt a prick in the back of her neck. She had been so involved in listening to Vaughn's calming voice, reveling in knowing she was ok; she hadn't even heard the man creep up behind her. "Vaughn?" She cried meekly as her body began to tumble towards the ground. "I love…"

When she woke she was strapped to a chair, Sloane peering down at her.

She blinked her eyes back open and glanced at her captor. "I will never tell you anything." She sneered as he leaned closer to hear her whispered words. She leaned back and took the opportunity of having his face that close, to spit in it. "Rot in hell."

Sloane backed away from her and removed a handkerchief from his pocket, wiping the saliva off his face. "Yes, well. I gave you all the chances in the world Sydney. You could have been apart of all of this. You could have been apart of everything I have planned. I'll be sorry to see you leave." He ran his hand through her hair before he turned on his heel and walked towards the door. "Mr. Sark, she's all yours." He spoke before leaving.

Sark walked closer to Sydney and smiled as he picked up a lighter and a bottle of hair spray from the table. "You know, I always thought we'd work together. It's a pity to have to see it all end like this." He smiled as he flipped open and lit the lighter before turning and spraying the hair spray across the flame, creating a mass blaze.

As he walked slowly towards her, an evil glint in his cold blue eyes, Sydney could only think of the soft pair of green she wished she could see, if only one more time.

A/N: That's my entry!! Let me know what you think and whether or not you would like more. Also look for the next chapter of **What Was Once Perfection to be up soon. Seriously, the muse…not shutting up. OOO! Anyone wanna name my muse?!**

Merci,

- SAG


	2. Chapter 2

Title: If Only Once More

Author: SAG

Disclaimer: See ch. 1

Rating: Officially up to PG-13 (will most likely reside here, though it's probably STRONG PG-13)

A/N: Hey… told you I'd be back. I hope you all love this and well, review! (For my **What**** Was Once Perfection readers… chapter 5 tomorrow hopefully!!)**

CH. 2

He had been moving nonstop. Every moment was focused on finding her, nothing else mattered. He rushed through the ops center, a cup of coffee in his hand, making his way towards his desk. He barely noticed any one as he passed them; the sympathetic glances and slight whispers lost all meaning on him as he kept his sight focused ahead of him, to his desk and finding Sydney.

He reached his desk, heavily adorned with papers and folders stuffed to their capacity, all with information on the last mission or leads to where she could be, every one of them coming up empty. Sitting in his chair he began the same searches he had been running for the past 3 days. Sighing deeply, he leaned back in his chair knowing that the first one would come up empty, as would the second, and third. It had been the same pattern for the last 3 days. 3 very long days. Days full of endless searches and paperwork only to be followed by sleepless nights spent at his desk following the same routine as of that in daytime.

Weiss passed Vaughn's desk for the 5th time that evening to find his friend in the exact same position he had been in every other time Weiss had walked by, every other time in the last 3 days. Ever since Vaughn had returned from Spain, alone, he had barely left his desk, only leaving to replenish his coffee or to pick up another folder. The endless dead end searches he ran, running his every thought.

He watched as Vaughn leaned back in his chair, sighing once again as he ran his hands over his tired face. Weiss looked over him sympathetically as he took in the sight of his normally meticulously well dressed friend. His suit was wrinkled and disheveled and the stubble on his face was prominent. He couldn't take it anymore, this was killing his friend. He quickly dropped the documents in his hands to his desk top and strode over to Vaughn's desk, placing his hand on Vaughn's shoulder.

"Go home, man."

"Eric." Vaughn breathed, startled out of his trance. "Eric, I can't. Not until she's back here. I can't leave her with them. I won't… I won't do that to her." Vaughn sighed in anguish, the realization hitting him once again.

"You aren't doing her any good by running the same searches, Mike. They all end up in the same place, no where. Look at yourself, man. Your suit is a mess; you're completely irritable and irrational. When was the last time you got any sleep?"

"I caught some on the plane home." Vaughn replied weakly.

"From _Spain_!?" Weiss cried incredulously. "Mike that was 3 days ago! Go home, shower, get some food, some sleep and I'll call if we find anything." 

"I don't know Eric…"

"Go."

"But what if…"

"Go."

"But…"

"Go!" Weiss ordered pointing to the door. "If I have to I'll make Jack force you to go home."

Vaughn sighed in defeat. "Fine. But if you find anything I expect a phone call." Vaughn demanded as he logged of his computer and tried to organize his desk a bit.

"Will do."

"_Anything_ Eric. I mean it."

"I promise. Now go home."

"Thank you Eric." Vaughn gave him a weak smile as he grabbed his keys.

"We'll find her Mike, I promise."

Vaughn walked into his apartment and threw his keys on the table. Double checking Donovan's food and water supply, he made his way into his bedroom, loosening his tie and shedding his coat as he went. Stripping down to his boxers, Vaughn grabbed a pair of sweats and a white t-shirt before heading into the bathroom. Placing his clothes on the closed toilet seat, he caught a glance of himself in the mirror. He immediately knew why Weiss was so insistent on him going home.

He looked like hell. His face was tired and long, the signs of his last 3 sleepless nights apparent as well as the stubble across his chin. He rubbed a tired hand over his face, wishing he could wipe away the black bags under his eyes. He sighed in frustration as he reached over and turned on the water in the shower. He let it reach the perfect temperature before removing his boxers and stepping in.

He allowed the heat to wash over him as he stood under the showerhead. He braced one arm against the wall in front of him and leaned against it for support as he hung his head. He wanted to cry out in anguish, but he didn't think that he had it in him. His muscles began to slowly relieve themselves of their tightness that had been escalating over the past few days and he breathed deeply, hoping the steam would relieve the tension in his chest, though he knew it wasn't his lungs that were contracting.

When he stepped out, he dried off quickly and dressed in the sweats and t-shirt. He decided on a quick shave and made fast work of the slight beard that had started to form. He was surprised he didn't walk away with a mutilated chin, his focus was clearly elsewhere as he shaved. Deciding to skip eating, he just didn't think he could stomach anything; he stumbled into his bedroom and collapsed into bed, his exhaustion over taking him.

_His hand ran along her cheek, tracing the contours of her face before embedding itself into her silky chestnut hair. His lips met hers again and again as his free hand worked at the buttons on her shirt._

_She leaned into him as she deepened the kiss, her tongue tracing along his bottom lip. She sneaked her hands between them, unbuckling his belt and reaching for the buttons on his jeans as her shirt felt to the floor. She discarded the belt quickly as she opened her mouth to him. Drinking each other in, he pulled her to the bed, allowing her to softly fall down to the pillows._

_The sheets moved above them as they became one. Each movement he made was matched with one by her as they blended together. They breathed in each other's breath as their movements quickened._

_She arched herself up closer to him as his hand ran through her hair once again. He kissed her neck softly, leaving a tingling trail as he kissed up to her ear. "You are so beautiful." He breathed as she sighed in reply._

_"Vaughn, I love…"_

_In a flash of blinding white light, she was ripped from him. Shots rang out as she was yanked away, her silent cries deafening. He reached out to her, struggling to free her from her captors when a shrill sound rang out and her body fell limp, tumbling to the ground._

"Sydney!"

Vaughn bolted up straight in bed, sweat dripping down his face as he fought to catch his breath. His cell phone on the nightstand rang next to him as he untangled himself from the sheets. Shaking his head to clear the fog that had settled over him, he reached over and groped for the phone.

"Vaughn." His voice was hoarse.

"Get in here." 

"Eric?"

"Get in here."

"What? Why? Eric what happened?!"

"We found her." 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: **If Only Once More**

Author: SAG

Rating: Strong PG-13

Summary: Everything is now officially fair game. (But I'm going spoiler free for the finale (god help me) so only as high as Countdown)

A/N: Hehe… I love it when school is really boring… because then I get to write!! PARTY!! So Marty (that's my muse) and I had a great time writing this!! I hope you all enjoy! (And how cute was last night's ep? The ice cream scene!? And the previews!?! GAH!) Please Review and let me know what you think!! - SAG

**Ch.**** 3**

            _"Favorite band."_

_            "What?"_

_            "What's your favorite band?"_

_            "This is the conversation you want to have, _now_?"_

_            "Yes. Favorite band."_

_            "Is there a reason for this conversation?"_

_            "Yes." He looked at her pointedly. "I wanna know."_

_            He smiled and sighed as she shrugged her shoulders innocently and scooted farther against his chest. "So now we're playing 20 Questions?"_

_            "Yes. Question 1 – What is your favorite band?" She pressed._

_            "I don't know. I don't think I've ever had a favorite band. I like basically everything."_

_            "Everything?"_

_            "Ok, well, no. I don't like country."_

_            "Huh, and here I was thinking you were a big Vince Gill fan."_

_            "UH! No way. I don't know what it is but something about country music makes me cringe."_

_            She laughed as she looked up into his sparkling eyes. "Ok, favorite color?"_

_            "Blue." She rolled her eyes. "What?"_

_            "Explains the suits." She smiled as she drew lazy circles up his arm. "Favorite…"_

_            "Hey, hey! Don't I get to ask?"_

_            She sighed in mock exasperation. "Fine. Ask away." She gestured with her hand._

_            "Same two questions; band and color."_

_            "Green. And I don't know. Too many good bands out there today. But I agree with the country music and Jimmy Buffet, can't stand Jimmy Buffet. I had a roommate at boarding school, she was a complete Parrot-head, drove me mad." He smiled at her as she tensed under the memory before relaxing again and began to rake her fingernails across his abdomen. "Favorite moment."_

_            "Ever?"_

_            "Ever."_

_            He leaned over and slipped a finger under her chin, forcing her face up towards his. "This moment right here." He whispered softly before closing his mouth over hers, kissing her tantalizingly slowly. "This is my favorite moment."_

_            "Vaughn." She moaned as he kissed her again, the events from moments before about to be replayed._

_            He pulled back and looked at her square in the eyes. "__Sydney__, I love…"_

            **BANG**

            Her eyes shot open as steel pounded upon steel. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she tried to focus on the man moving before her, but the gouge below her left eye forced her eyes to remain slightly closed. It had been easy for her to drift off into a sleep filled with thoughts and memories of him, memories of the way he would kiss her, hold her, make love to her. Too easy. Love was a weakness and the man before her fed off her weaknesses.

            "You talk in your sleep." Sark sneered at her as he slowly stalked towards her.

            - _You talk in your sleep.-_

            She diverted her eyes to the floor, refusing to meet the cold blue ones in front of her.

            "Always the same word."

_- No! What did I say?_ – 

"Or, should I say name."

_- Don't frost the pie!_ – 

"Vaughn."

 - _It seemed really important._ – 

"But then, if memory serves me, you and Agent Vaughn seemed very close. Perhaps…in _love?" _He paused, letting his use of past tense really sink in. He stopped in mid step to reach over to the table, picking up the lighter and hairspray once more. "After all, you must have loved him if you were willing to kill another human being to save his life. Pity it was all for nothing."

            "I would hardly call _Arvin Sloane a human being." She spat out viciously._

            "Ah… she speaks." Sark smiled, satisfied in achieving his goal. He took the seat in front of her and glared deeply into her brown eyes. "You know, this has been fun. No really it has." He reiterated after receiving a hard eyed glare from her. "I mean, watching the great Sydney Bristow slowly crumble has truly been an experience I didn't want to miss." He ran his hand up her arm, causing her to flinch as his fingers brushed across the burns plaguing her skin.

            Tears flooded to her eyes but she quickly blinked them away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her break.

            "So. Now that I know _one way to get you to talk, let's try one more time to use my … _original_ … method." _

            He flicked open the lighter and ignited it, bringing it close to her skin before taking the hairspray and sending a long stream across her already charred skin, delighting in the scream that emitted from her mouth, she had finally begun to break.

            Tears streamed down her face as he pulled away. After several intense minutes of him holding the flame to different parts of her skin, she had lost all of her reservoir and had broken. She struggled to stop the flow of tears as Sark stood, a twisted smiled playing across his face. "Are we ready to talk?"

            "No." She shook out.

            "I'm sorry to hear that. I really didn't want to resort to this." He spoke with false sincerity as he walked over to the table and picked up something else.

            She flinched; scared of what he could possibly do next, before she noticed that he was holding her cell phone.

            "Interesting. Speed dials. Hmmm. Where are you?" He mused as he scrolled through her phone book. "Ah yes, here we are. Speed dial "101"." Her body tensed as she realized what he was doing.

           "Sark… don't…" She began, but he had already dialed and was listening intently to the other end of the phone, waiting for someone to pick up. He held up a finger to her, as if she was nothing but a child bothering her father during a phone call.

            "Mr. Vaughn?... I'm sure you're aware that this isn't Sydney. Not to worry, though, she's still alive, if that's what you want to call it." He listened, a smirk growing wide on his face. "Now, now. I'd watch what you say, Mr. Vaughn. I'd hate for anything to happen to Sydney, least anything more… Now either you come to us, with what we want, or your lovely girlfriend, well I'd hate to spoil the surprise."

            Sydney watched as Sark spoke evenly into the phone, the topic of the conversation not even fazing him. She knew what he was asking of Vaughn and knew that nothing this man was saying was truthful. Taking all the strength she had left in her, she did the only thing she could.

            "VAUGHN! Don't listen to him! Don't do anything!! Vaughn! Vaughn! MICHAEL!!" She screamed as loud as she could as Sark swiftly turned around to glare at her.

            Slamming down on the end button, Sark slammed the phone down on the table. "That was a stupid move, Sydney. Very stupid." He picked up the lighter and hairspray again. "Seems as though you didn't learn from our little _conversation earlier. We'll have to fix that." He sneered, stepping slowly towards her as she shrank back into the chair and began to pray._


	4. Chapter 4

Title: **If Only Once More**  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  


Spoilers: Everything is now officially fair game. (But I'm going spoiler free for the finale (god help me) so only as high as Countdown)

 A/N: So I had SAT's this morning… BOO!! But I wanted to update so last night I typed this out, sent it to my beta and here I am. I hope you are all happy with this chapter, because I definitely am. AND, my Ducks play at 3 and I got a job. So right now life is pretty damn good. Hopefully I will have another part of this up soon and I am working on **What Was Once Perfection** but its slowing down because I'm having difficulty with some of the people. Vaughn keeps wanting to jump in and talk but it's just not his turn yet! And **Mental Break**, whoo, Jenn I promise I am thinking about it. Anyways, enjoy and review!! -SAG

**Ch.** 4****

            He sat there for a moment, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. He could barely believe it, they had found her. As the words finally hit home, he rushed from his spot on his bed and headed straight for his dresser, grabbing the first suit he could get his hands on, hoping it matched, and began to dress. He had been buttoning his shirt when her voice filtered through his head. Shaking it vigorously, he tried to force it out, but it was persistent and strong.

            _"Look at you, Mr. CIA Man."_

_            "And what is that supposed to mean?"_

_            "It's supposed to mean, 'Look at you, Mr. CIA Man.'" She laughed as he rolled his eyes, as he shrugged on his jacket. "Well, you _always_ wear a suit. They call you in the middle of the night, suit. Go to work normally, suit. Go in on a weekend, suit. How many suits do you own?"_

_            He shrugged his shoulders as he fixed his tie. "I don't know."_

_            She let out a scoff. "Yeah right. Mr. 'Follow the rules anal OCD man' not know how many suits he has… I doubt it." She teased as she leaned over to him, looking to give him a kiss._

_            He turned his head and moved away from her. "I don't think so." He inwardly smiled at the shocked expression on her face. "Not until you apologize for that little remark. I am not anal or obsessive compulsive."_

_            She smiled. "No. Way. I stand by my remark. Besides, I can hold out _a lot_ longer than you can."_

_            He eyed her for a moment, contemplating her statement. "Apologize."_

_            "No."_

_            "Apologize."_

_            "No." She smiled._

_            He suddenly moved towards her and tackled her, sending her down onto the bed sideways as he lay behind her, his hands tickling her sides as her laughter burst out. "Surrender?" He mocked._

_            "Never." She managed to cough out in between laughs._

_            "Apologize."_

_            "Never." She half yelled, half laughed._

_            He grabbed her by the wrists suddenly and flipped her so that she lay on her back, his knees straddling her midsection, her arms extended high above her head. "Apologize."_

_            "Never." She breathed out as her heart began to speed up._

_            "Apologize." He murmured as he bent and began to place feather light kisses along her neck._

_            "No." She whispered softly, her voice deep. "Not if this is what you do to me when I don't."_

_            He leaned back up to look at her for a second. "Just imagine what you _could_ have done to you if you do__ apologize." He whispered before returning to her neck, this time running his tongue along a sensitive spot._

_            She shivered under his touch and let out a gasp. "I apologize. I'm sorry. So very, very sorry." She began to murmur as his tongue ran up and down her neck._

_            "Oh, _now_ you're sorry. Baby you haven't even begun__ to be sorry yet." He whispered as he threw off his jacket and began to work the buttons on her shirt._

_            "You'll wrinkle your suit."_

_            "Don't care. I have another 9 at home." He quickly whispered before capturing her lips in his own._

            Vaughn blinked the tears out of his eyes as he pushed her voice from his head. "Stop it Michael." He whispered to himself. "They found her. She's fine."

            He gathered his things and was about to leave the room when the phone rang.

            He wondered what Weiss could possibly want now as he reached into his pocket and extracted his phone. Glancing at the caller ID his heart stopped. 'Sydney'. He fumbled to turn it on. "Sydney!? Baby, are you ok?" He stammered the second he turned it on.

            "Mr. Vaughn…?" Vaughn's heart stopped cold. It wasn't Sydney.

            "I'm sure you're aware that this isn't Sydney. Not to worry, though, she's still alive, if that's what you want to call it." Sark's voice was cold and calculated. 

            "Listen you sick son of a bitch, when I get my hands on you, you're going to wish Sydney had killed you in Siberia." Vaughn seethed as he gripped the phone tightly.

            "Now, now. I'd watch what you say, Mr. Vaughn. I'd hate for anything to happen to Sydney, least anything more."

            "If you even lay a finger on her…"

            "**Now," Sark interrupted. "Either you come to us, with what we want, or your lovely girlfriend, well I'd hate to spoil the surprise."**

            Vaughn couldn't believe his ears. "I'm going to destroy you Sark. Mark my…" he was cut off by a sound in the background. As her voice filtered through to his ears, tears swelled in his eyes.

            "VAUGHN! Don't listen to him! Don't do anything!! Vaughn! Vaughn! MICHAEL!!"

            His breath caught in his throat as he heard Sark slam the phone off. Grabbing his keys, he bolted from the room and into his car, peeling out of his driveway.

            Breaking several traffic laws, Vaughn made it to the ops center in record time. He flew through the main floor, desperately searching for Weiss in the throng of agents as they swarmed the facility. He finally found him, standing with Jack and Kendall.

            "Nice of you to finally join us, Agent Vaughn." Kendall's voice met him as he approached the group.

            "Well I would have been here sooner but I had an interesting phone call from Sark." Vaughn stated angrily. "If there was any speculation about whether or not she was with them, don't bother. I can confirm it." His voice softened as he crossed his arms over his chest.

            "He told you he had her?" Weiss asked incredulously.

            "Not only did he tell me, but he used her phone to call me."

            "That's not all of it, is it?" Jack asked, sensing something in the younger agent.

            "No." Vaughn whispered as his gaze dropped to his shoes.

- _VAUGHN! Don't listen to him! Don't do anything!! Vaughn! Vaughn! MICHAEL!!_ - 

 "I heard her…in the background…calling out." His voice shook as her screams filtered through his mind. She had sounded so desperate, in so much pain.

            "What did Sark say?" Weiss asked after a moment, hoping to gain Vaughn's focus back.

            "That if I didn't show with what they wanted he was going to hurt her more."

            "What do you mean _more_?" Weiss's voice began to shake.

            "He gave the impression that he had already done… damage to her." Vaughn choked out.

_- She's still alive, if that's what you want to call it – _

"You said you found her?" Vaughn pressed, forcing Sark's voice from his memory.

"Yes." Kendall stepped in. "In a warehouse in the south east of Italy."

"Then why the hell are we still here?!" Vaughn kept his voice moderately low but it didn't mask the frustration he was feeling.

"_Because, Agent Vaughn, we don't go in without a full team." Kendall's voice rose, challengingly._

"Then assemble a team!" Vaughn countered, this time his voice raising.

"Agent Vaughn! You will not presume to tell me how to do my job! We have a place where Sark was spotted 2 days ago. They may or not be there anymore. Take your phone to Marshall. Have him track Sark's call depending on the results, we may just move in." Kendall shouted back, before stalking off, the eyes of many people in the facility following him.

Jack, who had been silent since Vaughn's admission stepped up to the younger agent and placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get her back."

He turned to leave when Vaughn called out to him. "He won't hesitate to kill her."

Jack whipped around and glared at Vaughn. "Excuse me?!"

"Sark. When he called he said, that if I didn't give them what they wanted… his exact words were, 'either you come to us, with what we want, or she, well I'd hate to spoil the surprise'." Vaughn spat out viciously.

"Agent Vaughn, I understand you have… feelings … for my daughter but I think…"

"Don't belittle what I feel for your daughter Jack. Not when she is in this much trouble." He met Jack's gaze on full force. "Not when she could not come home." His voice had started out strong but by the time he had finished, his pitch had dropped considerably and tears were threatening to form. Vaughn blinked them away, not allow that to be an option as he kept his eyes locked with Jack's.

"Go get Marshall to track that call immediately. If it's a match, we leave in 30 minutes, with or without Kendall's consent." Jack stated simply before turning and walking away.

10 minutes later Vaughn had his confirmation. Vaughn grabbed the sheets from Marshall, and after making a pit stop to inform Weiss to gear up, ran to find Jack.

"Jack! Jack!" He hollered as he ran up to him. "It's a match." 

"Get supplies from Op. Tech. I'll meet you and Agent Weiss at the air port in 20 minutes." Jack turned on his heel and quickly disappeared into the crowd.

Vaughn watched his retreating form for only a moment before rushing off to Op. Tech. The realization that in a few hours he could be holding Sydney again, just beginning to sink in


	5. Chapter 5

Title: **If Only Once More**  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game. This chapter is being entered into the SD-1 May fic challenge (baseball, flowers and a movie quote) so that's why there's the quote reference at the bottom. Last Sunday… JJ… you better have something good up your sleeve!! As always review because I'm not so sure I can make it to next September I may go insane first… GAH!

**Ch.**** 5**

He made his way into the room; his demeanor was calm as he approached her still form in the chair. A flash went through his eyes showing that he had the slightest amount of sympathy for her, before disappearing, his cold façade replacing all emotions. He watched her for a moment as she tossed in her sleep before turning to address the man sitting calmly in the chair behind him.

            "Did she talk?"

            "No." Sark simply replied as he fingered the lighter in his hands. "She put up quite a fight though, before falling asleep." He smirked, relishing in the memory of her screams.

            "So what did you do?" Sloane asked calmly.

            "I called _him_." Sark smiled devilishly. "I told him he better bring it to us or I'd destroy her."

            "And he believed you?"

            "Well, I used her phone. Plus, she called out to him." His grin only grew as he replayed the events after once more in his head, her screams and tears flashing though his brain.

            Her weak muffled cries sounded from behind them and Sloane turned to watch her toss in her sleep. "She's restless in sleep."

            "Mmm." Sark mused. "She's replaying events in her mind. Mostly events with him. He is the embodiment of safety to her."

            Sloane watched her with curiosity as her head moved slightly in sleep. Her lips parted, as she mumbled. "What is she saying?"

            "She calls out to him in sleep. Always _him." Sark spat disgustedly. _

            Sloane turned back to her and watched as she slowly moved in her sleep. He kept his breathing low as to hear her murmur softly, relinquishing in her desperate tone.

            _She sat on the grassy hill, staring straight ahead of her as she watched the colors of the sunset blend together creating a mass of color in the sky. She fingered the dandelion by her side and smiled as she watched the scene before her. She was so at peace she barely registered him as he walked up and sat down next to her, breathing out a deep sigh as he loosened his tie._

_            "I'm quitting."_

_            "No you're not." She smiled as she watched little number 12 hit a grounder to left field._

_            "Yes I am. I hate my job."_

_            "You love your job." She reminded him softly. "What would you do without your job?"_

_            "I… don't know." He sighed in defeat._

_            "See?" She smiled as she turned her head to look at him. "You'll never quit."_

_            "Well, eventually I'm sure I will." He smiled and met her gaze. "But until then I'll just complain to you and fantasize about smashing __Kendall_'s over-polished head into the wall." He smiled and leaned over to give her a small kiss. "Hi."__

_            "Hi." Her smile grew as he reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "What do you want to do tonight?"_

_            "Anything that involves you, me and nothing CIA related." She laughed as she turned back and leaned against him, watching the game play on._

_            "Wanna talk about what happened?"_

_            "No. I just want to sit here with you pretending that I work a normal 9-5 job."_

_            She laughed against him as he lovingly kissed the top of her head. "Normal 9-5 job. Ah, the luxuries of normal life."_

_            He laughed softly as he brushed the hair of out her face. "One of these days." They sat in comfortable silence for a while as they watched the tiny numbers running around the field. "__Sydney__?" His voice that had been so clear seemed to be fading as he called out to her._

_            "Vaughn?" The grip he held around her waist slowly disappeared as his voice sounded farther and farther away._

_            "__Sydney__? __Sydney__?" _

            His voice was suddenly replaced with that of a cold cruel one, devoid of all warmth. "Sydney!" She bolted her eyes open to come face to face with the devil himself. "Glad you could join us again." Sloane's face lit up in a crooked smiled that made her blood run cold.

            "It's amazing, you look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death." Sydney sneered as she met his gaze head on, unwavering.

            "I'm sorry you feel that way."  

            "No you're not. If the CIA didn't have what you wanted I wouldn't be here right now. I only serve one purpose to you and that's to get your precious artifact. So cut the bull. Sark's already made the call. They'll be coming. So tell your little lackey that he can back off. You kill me and they won't give it to you."

            Her anger was back in full force. She was sick and tired of sitting in the cold metal chair in a room devoid of warmth, sick of being tortured and sick of looking into the cold blue eyes. She wanted to see green again. She wanted to go home.

            "Looks like someone got their spite back." Sloane smiled as he moved away from her. "You better pray they come Sydney. After that little comment you better _pray_ they come."

            He moved towards the door and beckoned for Sark to join him and together they made their way out of the room.

            The moment the door closed, she breathed a sigh of relief thanking whoever could hear her for making them leave and giving her the strength to verbally abuse Sloane. Closing her eyes she gripped the sides of the chair and whispered out softly praying for anyone who was listening to answer her.

            "Please…let them come. Please…Vaughn. Where are you?"

Quote: It's amazing, you look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death – When Harry Met Sally


	6. Chapter 6

Title: **If Only Once More**

  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel its R but a touch more than PG-13  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.

A/N: Prom last night rocked my world. It was so much fun (plus afterwards while people were being driven home, I was at my friend's house waiting for her to return and I watched the Friends Ep with Michael Vartan in it! He is so young!!) I hope you all enjoy this. (Look for Ch. 7 of **What Was Once Perfection** in the next few days!) But you are warned… the ending… way evil.

**Ch.** 6** **

            Vaughn sat in the soft plane seat, staring blankly ahead of him as he tried to keep his mind on anything but what condition they would find her in. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, tying to force the sounds of her screams out of his head. The fear in her voice made is stomach churn and he forced his mind to think of other things; her smile, her laughter, the way she tasted, the perfect way her body contorted to his when he held her as they slept.

            "Vaughn." He clocked out all sounds around him, every voice becoming her pleading cries. "Vaughn." His fists clenched as he remembered the cold voice of Sark over the phone. "Michael!" He gave a start when he felt Jack's hand on his shoulder. Looking up at him, he was met with Jack's usually cold eyes, laced with warmth. For the first time Vaughn realized just how much this was affecting Jack, almost as much as it was affecting himself.

            "Sorry Jack. I guess I was just off in another world."

            "I know." Jack relented as he took a seat across from Vaughn. "However, I need you to focus now." Vaughn nodded as he readjusted his posture, sitting more erect. "When we land, we'll be meeting with my contact. From there…"

            Vaughn listened intently as Jack detailed each step of their mission. His planning was flawless, every thing that could possibly go wrong had been taken into consideration and for that Vaughn was thankful. After hearing her, the tone of her voice, the pain that cascaded into her words, he could barely think straight let alone plan out an entire Op.

            As Jack finished, he gave the younger agent a small smile and then returned to his seat further back in the plane, leaving Vaughn alone with his thoughts. Everything came flooding back as the silence over took him, and Vaughn wanted to cry out in aguish at the memories invading his peace. Their first time together, their last. They all blended together in his mind.

            Closing his eyes tightly, Vaughn forced his mind away from her. Though, no matter how hard he tried, every trick in the book [baseball, hockey, his parents, Donovan, Weiss] nothing seemed to allow his mind to drift from her.

            _Fine. If you want to be this way. Want to torture yourself, at least think of something moderately happy. Vaughn chided himself as he leaned back into the seat cushions. Sighed deeply, he was relieved to find his mind completely blank, and soon drifted off into a light sleep._

            _"Promise me something."_

_            "No."_

_            "No?" She laughed as she saw his face. "Please Vaughn?"_

_            "Ok, if you insist." He chuckled as he leaned back further into the couch, turning down the sound on the TV. "But make it quick, the intermission report is almost over." He smiled boyishly._

_            She responded in kind by throwing a pillow at him. "I'm serious Michael." The smiled faded from his face._

_            "What's wrong?" She never called him 'Michael',_ never_."_

_            "I just, promise me that you will always be there for me, you'll always look for me."_

_            "What brought this on?" Vaughn asked worriedly as he sat up straighter, turning off the TV as the first Over Time began on his game. "Syd?" She looked away from him. "__Sydney__, look at me. What's going on?"_

_            "I just… I had a stupid dream and it frightened me."_

_            "What happened?"_

_            "I was compromised on an op. and you just stopped looking after a while. You just gave up on me." Tears pooled in her eyes._

_            "Oh, baby." Vaughn whispered as he pulled her to him._

_            "I died Vaughn." She sniffled into his chest. "I always thought you couldn't die in your dreams. But when I found out that you just stopped looking, that you gave up on me." She lifted her head to meet his gaze. "I just lost my will to live. I died."_

_            He leaned over and kissed her slowly. It held none of the urgency and desire that their kisses had held the night before, rather it was filled with a love unlike that she had ever known._

_            "I will never stop looking for you. Do you hear me?" She nodded. "Never."_

_            "Vaughn," she sighed. "Michael, I love…" _

            "Vaughn." Jack's voice brought him out of his dream as he felt the plane descending onto the tarmac. "We're here."

            He shook his head and forced his mind to try and focus on Jack as he prepared to leave the place. _So much for happy thoughts_. 

            The motions were done simply. His mind barely registered as he took each step, walking closer and closer to her. She was there, in that building in front of him somewhere and he refused to leave until he found her. Jack strode with authority by his side and together they made their way into the building, each member of their team, unaware of the stakes in which they were both holding this mission on. It was all or nothing.

            Halfway through it, they came to an intersection, a hallway divided in half. Jack looked over at him and they both nodded, knowing that if the other man was to find her, they were to get her out of there as soon as possible, radioing the other and hoping they made it out ok. Vaughn nodded as Jack turned to the right and he made his way down the left.

            His pace quickened as he blew through the hallway. Stalling only twice to take care of the guards that stood in his way. An odd wave of strength and adrenaline surged through his body as he fought them with precision, using moves he had seen only she use in the field.

            Before his mind had a chance to catch up with him, Vaughn was at the end of the hallway, only a door standing before him. Opening it, his heart stopped and breath caught in his throat at the sight before him.


	7. Chapter 7

Title:** If Only Once More**  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13)  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.  
  
A/N: How much do I love three day weekends? I love them so very, very much!! O and I love Sting to because he is currently my updating buddy. Sorry this took so long, I know you all want to know what he saw… so that's why this chapter is something I have yet to do with this fic, have both Sydney and Vaughn in it… and not just in the flashbacks (though we can't leave those out… it's like, what I do) Hope you all enjoy!! Please R/R!  
  
  
  


**Ch. 7**  
  
  


        She knew something was coming. She could feel it all around her. The silence that usually blanketed the cold room she sat in, causing her breath to be shallow and her mind to be foggy was destroyed by the jumbled noises protruding into her already pounding head. The pain from her last 'conversation' with Sark was still explosive and she fought to keep her eyes open, her mind alert as the crashing sounds drew nearer.  
  
        Though her mind and body had been battered for almost a full week, though time had lost all meaning to her for she never knew if it was day or night, noon or 4 in the morning, she could still pick out particular sounds. The sounds that agents are trained to listen for, footsteps, ammo being loaded into a magazine, gun shots, and she struggled through her exhaustion to hear the sounds around her, hoping to focus only on the ones that would hopefully set her free.  
  
        Her eyes began to droop as she struggled to stay coherent. Her eyes fluttered shut, only to snap back open when she heard a sound near the end of the hallway, a sound that sounded remarkably like a gun shot and M1911 if she remembered correctly. She couldn't hold on any longer as she heard the sounds drift ever so closely and just as the sounds reached right outside her door, her world went black.  
  
  
  
         The door swung open and his heart dropped. He was finally laying his eyes upon her and he couldn't move. She sat, chained to a chair, blood dripping, crusted over, marring her once perfectly satin skin. Her hair, once soft and shiny, hung limply around her face. Tears pooled in his eyes as he gazed at her face, her eyes shut, cuts and burns swollen on her cheeks as she sat, her head hanging.   
  
         He fought to catch his breath as he looked at her. Images of bright red wigs and swollen jaws filtered through his head, conversations about other incidents. Other injuries, the medical reports stacked neatly in his office, a different folder for each mission. He felt the tears start to slowly slide down his cheeks as he stood there, feet glued to the spot.'  
  
  
  
        _She limped slowly into the apartment and shut the door behind her softly, praying that Will and Francie were already in bed. She sighed as she leaned against the door. Her ankle burned as she applied pressure again, slowly making her way deeper into the apartment.__  
  
         She placed her purse and keys on the counter and shrugged off her jacket, careful of the cut right below her left shoulder blade. She winced as she pulled her arm from the sleeve, pulling the cut the wrong way.  
  
         His eyes blinked over as he heard her enter. Wanting to take a moment to wake up fully, he slowly rubbed his eyes as he woke. Listening carefully, he became worried as he heard her tired sighs and when he heard her wince, he stood up, vacating his comfortable spot on her couch, and made his way over to her.  
  
         "__Sydney__?"__  
  
         "Vaughn." She sighed as she turned to him, carefully hiding her left shoulder. "What are you doing here?"  
  
         "I wanted to be here when you got back. Will and I were hanging out watching the game earlier, what's wrong?" He pushed through his answer, quickly trying to get to the reason behind the wince.  
  
        "Nothing's wrong. I'm a little tired but that's about it." She lied as she turned her left side away from him more, reflexively.  
  
        "Really? Then let me see your left shoulder."  
  
        "What? Vaughn, I'm fine… really." She tried to side step him as he walked towards her, but he caught her left arm in his hand and pulled back, causing her to wince out again in pain.  
  
         He turned her away from him and lifted her shirt up so that he could see the deep gash lying under her shoulder blade. "Damn it __Sydney__, what happened."__  
  
        "Just this guard… I'm fine Vaughn."  
  
        "You're not fine. Come here." He pulled her into the bathroom and took out the first aid kit and began to dress her wound. She winced as he put antiseptic cream across it. "Sorry."  
  
        "No, just cold." She shuddered as his warm hands ran over her back, applying the soft gauze.  
  
        "You've gotta be more careful out there Syd."  
  
        "I know."  
  
_

_        "Any other injuries?" He felt her hesitate. "If this is going to work, you're going to need to trust me here Syd."  
  
        She sighed in defeat. "My right ankle. I think I twisted it or something. There should be an ace bandage in the med kit."  
  
         He bent down in front of her as she sat on the closed toilet seat and slipped the shoe from her foot, gasping at the swollen joint. "Syd..."  
  
        "I'm going to be ok, Vaughn." She reassured him as she ran her hand through his hair.   
  
_

_        "I hate seeing you this way."  
  
_

_        "I know." She cupped his cheek softly. "I know."  
  
_

_        He stood up and kissed her softly, threading her hair through his fingers. "Promise me you'll be more careful." He rasped out as they broke apart.  
  
_

_         "I promise." She whispered before guiding him back to her._  
  
  
  
        His breath returned as he watched her head twitch and suddenly his feet were freed from their place on the cold concrete and he flew to her side, kneeling down in front of her.   
  
        "Syd? Sydney?" He whispered softly as he cupped her cheeks, pushing her hair out of her face.  
  
        "Vaughn?" She rasped out, her eyes still shut tight._ Please don't let this be a dream. Please._  
  
        "Yeah, Syd, it's me. Oh, Sydney." The tears came faster as he stood up a bit and placed a feather soft kiss against her forehead.  
  
        She felt his cool lips against her head, soothing her and she knew that it was him. No one had ever touched her the way that he did, the gentleness and compassion that he saved only for her. Tears pooled in her eyes as she slipped her heavy lids open and came face to face with the pair of dazzling green eyes, that she thought she would never see again, even brighter as the tears swelled around them. "Vaughn." She whispered as the tears in her eyes slowly cascaded down her cheeks, stinging as they came in contact with the burns plaguing her face.  
  
        "Oh, Syd. What did he do to you?" He whispered, taking in every burn that covered her body. "That sick son of a bitch." He growled as he lost count.  
  
        "Michael… Michael, I want to go home." She cried softly.  
  
        "Oh, sweetheart, we're going." He quickly moved behind her and began to work on her hand cuffs, pulling the lock pick from his pocket and making quick work of the steel cuffs around her wrists and feet.  
  
        Her entire body relaxed as she was freed from the handcuffs and she sagged against the chair. Vaughn rushed to her left side and put her arm around his shoulder holding it in one of his hands while he placed the other one around her waist.  
  
        "Ok, on three we're going to stand."  
  
        "Wait." She quickly stopped him pulling her arm from his shoulder and pulling his face towards her. "Vaughn… I need to tell you something."  
  
        "It's ok Syd… whatever it is… it can wait." He responded, trying to force her up again but she wouldn't budge.  
  
        "NO! No it can't. It cannot wait any more. Vaughn, Michael I love you."  
  
        His breath caught in his throat as he gazed into her eyes and he softly took her face in his hands, careful of the burns marring her cheeks, and brought her lips down to meet hers, kissing her with a hunger she had never felt before. Pulling away, he smiled up at her.  
  
        "Sydney I love you so much. I can't even tell you how much I love you, because there are no words to describe it." She smiled as she sniffled slightly, tears pouring down her cheeks. "Come on, let's get you out of here. We don't have much time."  
  
        "No, you_ really_ don't." Came a voice from the doorway.  
  
        Sydney and Vaughn turned towards the door to see Sark standing there, a gun trained on the both of them. "In fact… you don't have _any_ time left."


	8. Chapter 8

Title: **If Only Once More**  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13)  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.  
  
A/N: Yeah, life… it gets in the way. Plus finals are coming up (_shut up Olivia… I am aware you are done so just shut it_) So don't expect an update from ANYTHING until after the 17th because then I am done done done!! Hope you all enjoy!! (_PS. the end of the flashback is for all the girls over at sd-1 who (like myself) have a totally unhealthy attachment to that one little thing she mentions… o hell its hot!_)

**Ch.** 8**  
  
**

            Her body shook as she looked into the cold blue eyes she never wanted to see again. The cold of the room was catching up to her and she could feel the temperature dropping as a cool wind filtered through the open door. The only warmth she felt were the pair of hands laying softly on her charred skin, one on her arm, the other on the back of her neck. She felt the bile rise in her throat as she saw the gun in Sark's hands and it took all of her will power not to scream.

            "Sark." Vaughn spat viciously as he forced himself to stay calm, if for nothing more than Sydney's sake; he doubted whether she was up for a full scaled fight.

            "Mr. Vaughn. I was wondering whether or not I'd be seeing you after our… _lovely …conversation." Sark smirked as he took a few steps towards them._

            "It's over Sark." Sydney croaked her voice raspy and harsh over her raw, dry throat. "Face it. It's over."

            "I see where you'd all think that. But see, I'm standing _here," he glanced down to his feet. "Holding __this," he gestured to his gun. "While the two of you are there, alone, unarmed." His smile only grew wider._

            As Sark spoke, Sydney suddenly felt movement at her neck. Masking her surprise, she blocked out Sark's voice as she focused solely on Vaughn's index finger as it tapped along her hairline. After her blunder in Cuba with her father over a year before, Sydney had gone to extraordinary lengths to secure her knowledge of Morse Code and found it almost too easy to figure out Vaughn's message.

            "Comm. Link. In. Ear. Jack. Hearing. All."

            She inwardly smiled knowing her father would hear their predicament and come to their aid.

            "Gun. At. Ankle."

            She could have burst out laughing if the situation wasn't so dire. Her memory flashed back to her first encounter with his obsessive compulsive nature to have his ankle holster on at all times. Literately.

            _She shifted underneath him as he ran his hands up her skin, her body reacting to every feather light touch of his fingers, every gentle caress. She gripped his back as she lifted her foot, running it up his leg, drawing the pant leg up with it. She stopped suddenly as her foot hit something hard and leather._

What the…__

_            She pulled back from him and questioned him breathlessly. "What the hell is that?!"_

_            "What?" He looked at her for a moment, taking the time to catch his breath, trying to figure out what she could possibly mean._

_            "On your leg. What the hell is it?"_

_            Vaughn began to chuckle softly. "Do you remember the fight in Nice?"_

_            "No." She deadpanned. "Yes of course I do. What the hell does that have to do with whatever is on your leg?"_

_            Vaughn smiled and pushed away from her, forcing himself into a sitting position. He reached down and made quick work of the buckle on his leg and held it out for her to see. "Gun Holster." He smiled as she began to laugh softly._

_            "You felt it was necessary to wear a gun to my house for dinner?"_

_            "No. I always wear it. No matter what. I meant to take it off after dinner but we never made it that far, now did we?" He smirked as he crawled back up to her._

_            "No, no we did not." She smiled as he lowered himself back down to her and kissed her softly. "But next time," she breathed as she pulled away. "Wear the shoulder holster, at least I can use that."_

            She felt Vaughn shift by her side and was instantly brought back to the situation at hand. She could feel him tensing as Sark took a few more steps towards them.

            "You know, I have been really looking forward to the day that Sloane would tell me that it was Ok to finish this little, _thing_, with you. I mean taking out the last in the Bristow line, it's an honor. But to also be able to take out the last of the Vaughn's. I've always wanted to know the thrill Irina felt when she killed the first. I guess today's just my lucky day." Sark sneered.

            The anger boiled up inside of Vaughn and he snapped. Lunging forward, he flew into Sark, sending them both to the ground, Sark's gun misfiring into the air.

            Sydney screamed as she watched the two scuffle on the ground, neither one having full control at all times. They both struggled with each other and when Vaughn reached for his gun, Sark took advantage. Landing a right hook directly on Vaughn's jaw, he sent Vaughn sprawling fully on to the ground again and took the time to shove himself into a standing position and train his gun on Vaughn.

            Sensing Sark's next move Sydney quickly acted. Defying her screaming muscles she lunged toward Sark, but her weakness had been too much and Sark easily threw her off, sending her to the ground harshly.

            He turned towards her and aimed his gun for her forehead. Her head pounded from her fall to the ground, when it painfully smacked the pavement. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Sark took one step forward and as a shot rang out, her whole world went black.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: **If Only Once More**  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13)  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.  
  
A/N: School is officially over… tomorrow. But see, during my French exam… hi who got a burst of ingenious? Yeah, that's right… ME. Yeah. Totally and completely after I finished my exam like grabbed some paper and started furiously writing. Which is why you get this today rather than tomorrow!!! Enjoy!!

**Ch.** 9****

            The world seemed to move as if in slow motion. He could see Sark's fist fly towards him seconds before it happened, but seemed powerless to stop it. He felt himself falling backwards landing hard as Sark stood.

            And then she was flying towards him. Her once powerful and agile body crumbling under Sark as he flung her away. He knew what was coming as Sark shifted his body, his gun falling upon her. He watched in terror as Sark's grip tightened around the trigger. His heart screamed for him to do something, _anything to save her, but he could only sit in shock as each second seemed to take an hour to pass._

            Seconds before it happened his mind finally caught up to speed and he began to struggle to stand.

            "No!" He cried out in horror as the shot rang out and froze in place as the body crumbled to the ground before him.

            His breath caught in his throat as he watched it fall, disbelief playing across his face. _How…?_ Spinning around he found his answer.

            Jack stood in the open door, his gun poised straight ahead of him, trained on the exact spot in which Sark had been standing.

            "Are you ok?" Jack asked as Vaughn stared at him. "Vaughn?"

            Vaughn blinked in response as his heart began to beat again.

            "Yeah." He breathed as he turned to look at the body on the ground.

            Sark was dead.

            Forcing all thought of the last minute from his mind, he raced forward to where Sydney lay. He bent down and began frantically searching for a pulse. As he struggled to find one, the reality that her fall, combined with her weakened state could have killed her began to drift down upon him.

            "No, damn it. Come on Sydney." He pleaded softly as he searched. "Don't you dare do this to me damn it, not now. Not when I just got you back…o thank God." He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt her fait pulse. Leaning close to her he could see her chest rise and fall ever so slightly.

            She was there, but she was fading fast.

            "Jack." Vaughn croaked as he moved to place her in his arms. "We have to get her to a doctor fast. I don't know how much longer…" He trailed off as he met the older man's gaze.

            "There's a helicopter waiting for us." Jack replied as he watched his daughter's limp body slowly rise into the safety of the younger man's arms.

            Vaughn nodded as he grasped her, careful not to damage her any more. He quickly made to move past Jack. Racing out of the building he saw the helicopter sitting idly several yards ahead and held her tight as he rushed towards it.

            Hurrying inside he placed her down on the bench, her head cradled in his lap as Jack moved to the front informing the pilot that they could leave.

            Glancing down at her, he began to run his fingers through her hair absentmindedly. She seemed to be so peaceful. Almost as if she had simply fallen asleep on his lap. Tears welled in his eyes and he wished for nothing more than for that to be the case.

            _ He kept his gaze on her as she slept silently, her head pillowed in his lap, the TV casting an eerie blue glow in the background. He didn't even notice that the movie had finished. His sights had been on her since she had fallen asleep._

_            He leaned back against his hand, watching as she breathed deeply in her sleep and shifted slightly, the movement forcing her eyes away. She blinked and yawned before twisting to look up at him. _

_            "Hi."_

_            "Hi." He smiled back as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Have a nice nap?"_

_            She smiled sheepishly and ran a hand across her tired face. "How long have I been out?"_

_            "About an hour or so." He whispered, his fingers still entwined in her long locks._

_            "I missed the ending." She whined slightly as she noticed the blue of the TV._

_            "So did I." He smiled at her nervous expression._

_            "You didn't seriously sit here and watch me sleep for an hour, did you?"_

_            "Yeah." He replied sheepishly. "What can I say? You're beautiful."_

_            She smiled and leaned up, kissing him softly. "I'm lucky, you know that?" She ran a hand across his cheek, feeling the slight stubble that lay on it. "You are the sweetest, most wonderful man I have ever met."_

_            "I try." He shrugged as she laughed softly. _

_            "So, what really happened at the end of the movie?"_

_            "I have no idea." He told her truthfully. "Last thing I can remember is that Melanie had finally gotten Jake to sign the papers and was getting all ready for her wedding."_

_            "Damn. I've been wanting to see this for a while too." She sighed dramatically. "We'll just have to renew it and watch it again."_

_            "No we won't." He stated matter-of-factly. "There are only so many chick flicks I can stand. The old ones, I'm not too bad with. The ones with Tom Hanks, I can handle. I'm all for_ You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, Joe Vs. The Volcano _ hell__ I'll even do When Harry Met Sally_but there is only so much a man can take!"__

_            She laughed and kissed him softly. "What if I let you rent a movie of your choice too? Anything you want."_

_            "Anything?"_

_            "Anything."_

_            "Ok, but I'll warn you now. You really want to rent this again, I'm renting the 1993 __Stanley__ Cup finals. Kings vs. The Canadians." He smiled as she laughed lightly._

_            "Whatever." She rolled her eyes as he leaned down and kissed her again. "Hey, you know what?"_

_            "What?"_

_            "I bet they'll make it next year." She whispered as he smiled softly._

_            "Of course they will. And we'll go to every game held here."_

_            "I'd like that." She smiled as he leaned down and kissed her. "You know, I don't think I'm quite so tired anymore." She smiled as he pulled away._

_            "Good. Me neither." He flung back before pulling her up and capturing her lips in his once again._

            Tears built in his eyes as images of her ran through his head. Why? The question kept reverberating in his mind. Why had Sloane done this to her? _Sloane…_

            "Jack." He called out weakly, suddenly alert. The older man turned at the sound and looked the younger man dead on. "Sloane?" Jack could only shake his head no.

            Vaughn sighed as he leaned back against the cushions of the seat and ran his fingers through Sydney's hair. Bending down he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

            "Just hold on Syd. We're going to be there soon. Jut hold on." He kissed her forehead once more before whispering, "I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

Title: **If Only Once More**  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13)  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.  
  
A/N: And here I was thinking that I was going to be able to do nothing but write all day long. Too bad I have to go to summer school to improve my math grades (didn't fail. just need to improve.) But I'm going to at least try for once a week. Hopefully. As always, please review!!

**Ch.** 10****

            47. That number seemed to be a sick fascination with them. 47 was the number in which his life almost lived by now. Page 47. The one page in a journal of many that caused so much pain and destruction. 47. He hated that number and everything about it. Especially now.

            Sitting in the hospital room he realized what it might have been like for her to have seen him when he was sick. What it must have been like for her to know that he would have never gotten sick had he not followed her to the end of the earth and back. And knowing this, he wouldn't change a thing.

            And even in that instance there had been the presence of that number. Warehouse 47. The place where it all came crashing down around them. And even in light of that, this time, what that number represent, was 47 times worse.

            When he had been evaluating her in that cold room, pressed for time and simply overjoyed at the fact that he was holding her, looking at her, hearing her voice that he barely registered how much damage they had done. He knew that it had been extensive but he had never imagined it to be like this.

            27 third degree burns, 14 second degree burns and 6 first degrees. All added together, 47 burns in total. Just thinking about it made his stomach curl. And that was just the burns. She had 47 cuts lacing her body. All of which seemed to have been made with a dull blade. Thinking about who had done this to her, his ice blue eyes, bleached blond hair and arrogant cocky British accent made him furious. Knowing that he was dead didn't necessarily help the situation either. In Vaughn's opinion he had died much too painlessly.

            He watched as she lay in the hospital bed. Most of her burns having already begun healing and the cuts having started to seal themselves. He had, after all, been sitting in that chair for close to a week. He usually wasn't alone in his silent vigil over her. Usually accompanied by Jack or Dixon or Will, he was very rarely given the privilege to just watch her as she silently struggled to heal and wake.

            Over the last week, he had been reassured over and over again that she was going to make it though. Not just by those who loved her, but by her doctors. Though she had slipped into a coma, it wasn't life threatening. It was simply her body's way of trying and heal itself in the face of so many injuries.

            When he was giving the rare opportunity to sit in watch her in solitude, he couldn't help but marvel how beautiful she was, even with all the brutality that had been done to her. He would simply sit and admire her as he thought back to all the times that they had spent together. The few times when they were able to just sit lazily in bed in the mornings, or the late night conversations they would have about the most inane subjects. Things like that surprised him.

            He found it wonderful just how much she enjoyed sitting with him and simply talking about things that she never knew about him. Playing conversations over in his mind became one of the only things that soothed him as he watched her fight her silent battle.

            _"If you weren't here, where would you be?"_

_            "What?"_

_            "If you were not here, right now in this very moment, where would you be?" She asked again as she leaned against him._

_            "Thinking about being here."_

_            "Vaughn…"_

_            "I'm serious." He insisted as he ran his fingers slowly up and down her arm, delighting in the way goose bumps began to rise along her skin. "When I'm not here, I'm thinking about being here. It's been that way for a long time now."_

_            "Even when you were…" She trailed off as she suddenly grew shy, distant._

_            "Even when I was what?"_

_            "Nothing. Never mind." Her voice was quipped, sharp. Her answer short and straight to the point. Without warning, she suddenly stood and threw on his shirt. "You want something to drink?"_

_            "No. I want to know why you are acting so strange."_

_            "I'm fine. Just thirsty. I'm going to get a glass of water." She replied quickly before turning and leaving, not giving him the allowance to stop her._

_            He stood quickly and threw on his boxers before following her into the kitchen. He found her standing against the counter, a glass of water in hand, as she slowly sipped it, staring off into space._

_            He walked over to her and clasped her hand in his, dragging her behind him as he turned back to the bedroom. Shutting the door behind them he turned to her. "Ask me. I have a feeling I know what you want to ask me and I want you to."_

_            "Vaughn. There is nothing that I need to ask you. Really. I'm fine."_

_            "Wow."_

_            "What?"_

_            "I never thought you'd lie to me." He folded his arms over his chest as he stood staring at her._

_            "I did not lie to you." She insisted, a bit taken back at his accusation. "Vaughn, it's not important and really very stupid and we don't need to talk about it."_

_            "Yes we do. We haven't talked about it yet and I know that bothers you. So please… ask me about __Alice__."_

_            She sighed and  placed her glass of water on the table next to the bed before taking a deep breath and turning back to him. "Why did you… why did you start seeing her again?"_

_            "In a word, Noah." He answered truthfully. "I was hurt when you came back and I knew something had happened between you to. I don't want to know Syd," he held up his hand stopping her from explaining. "I don't need to know. __Alice_, I saw her at a party a few days after he had come home with you from __Vienna__ and she was… familiar. Something that I needed when I realized just how deeply I was falling for you. It was scary. It was almost like, if I went back with her, I could go back to a time when you were just my asset. Just the agent who yelled at me in a bloodmobile and rarely listened to me."__

_            She smiled and laughed softly as a smile played across his face. "I thought that if I went back with her, I could some how escape what I was feeling for you. Obviously it didn't work." He slipped a finger under her chin and forced her to meet his eyes. "So what was the original question you were going to ask?"_

_            "Did you think about being with me even when you were with her?" She asked quietly as her eyes drifted downward again._

_            "Every moment." He whispered, forcing her face back up so that he could capture her lips in his. "So much, in fact, that we hadn't been intimate since __Taipei_. So much in fact that I found myself constantly going to church on the weekends because I felt so guilty. So much in fact, that I said your name in my sleep and she called me on it."__

_            "You didn't."_

_            "I did." He smiled as she laughed lightly. "Needless to say she wasn't very happy." He smirked and winked at her as he leaned down and kissed her softly. "Anything else you'd like to know?"_

_            "Yeah, just one more little thing." She smiled slyly at him as she took the wrist that was holding up her chin in her hand and slowly began to walk backwards. "How do you plan on making it up to me?"_

_            He smirked at her, his hands playing with the buttons on the shirt she was donning. "Well, it may take some time."_

_            "Really?"_

_            "Mm-hmm. If fact, it may take so much time, I think I should probably paying you back right now." He leaned down and kissed her deeply, cradling her head as it softly hit the bed._

            Tears, the constant set of tears that threaten to drop were once again in his eyes as he blinked rapidly, hoping for them to disport. Sighing deeply, he leaned closer to her in his chair as he took her hand in his own.

            "Sydney. Sydney you need to wake up. I'm…I'm not doing to good here without you. I'm really not sure how to get along without you here anymore. I'm not sure…I'm not sure if I can get through this without you. Please wake up." His voice wavered as he spoke and he finished at a whisper, his head moving down to lay on his forearms as he held her hand softly.

            Suddenly his head bolted straight up. Glancing down at their hands his eyes widened with realization as it happened again. The tiniest of squeezes upon his hand.

            Sydney was waking up.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: **If Only Once More  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13)  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.  
  
A/N: I can't believe that I'm on Ch 11. This was supposed to be a one parter!! It's crazy! Good news… I'm in a pretty stellar mood. Bad news… there isn't any!! (****SCORE!) I hope you all like this chapter. I'm not really sure how it's gonna work, I guess we'll see when I finish it. Thanks to ****Dashboard Confessional for providing my background music. It feeds Marty. **

**Ch.** 11****

            She could hear his voice softly floating through her as his words were whispered softly. She struggled to crawl to the surface, praying that she could reach him. Wanting to be near him, to see his smile, look into his eyes and see them gleaming with pristine and beauty. She wanted to see them glowing brightly. She always loved that about him. The way his eyes seem to shine, even in the darkness.

            _She shifted and turned slightly, hoping not to wake him, instead wanting to find a moment in which she could just watch him sleep silently, the way he always seemed to do with her._

_            When she turned over, she saw him watching her silently. Had it not been for his eyes, she would have never known he was awake. Their green tint shown through the darkness and she smiled as she faced him._

_            "Damn. I was hoping to be the one to do the watching tonight." _

_            He laughed softly as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Sorry."_

_            "Eh, it's ok." She smiled as she leaned up and kissed him softly. "I don't mind you being awake."_

_            "Hmm." He smiled slightly before becoming thoughtful again as he ran his finger tips over her cheek._

_            "You ok?"_

_            "Yeah. Just thinking."_

_            "What about?" She shifted as she got comfortable again._

_            "Just… before the alliance fell." She raised an eyebrow and looked at him questioningly. "Sometimes I still can't believe that it happened. That I'm lying here next to you. Sometimes I catch myself just watching you for hours."_

_            She smiled softly at him and caught his hand in her own. Bringing it to her mouth, she kissed his palm softly before intertwining their fingers. "It is hard to believe sometimes. I use to think sometimes that we'd never do it. That I'd be a double agent forever."_

_            He leaned down suddenly and kissed her, exploring her mouth with his tongue, claiming her as his._

_            They pulled away gently and she was left breathless, a smile on her face. "What was that for?"_

_            "Being you." He smiled as she laughed lightly. "Just because you are so amazing and you did it and yet, still chose to be with me." She smiled at his insecurity and leaned up and kissed him again, bringing him down with her._

_            "What time do you leave for __Spain__ tomorrow?" He asked breathlessly as he shifted over her._

_            "Not till 10."_

_            He glanced over at the clock and noticed the time, __4:17__. "We have plenty of time." He smiled, the gleam in his eyes shining through the room as he bent down and met her lips again._  

            She struggled against the psychological restraints holding her down, trying to force herself out of the darkness, force herself to wake, to find him and reassure him that she was still his. She began to protest softly, tiny muffled cries climbing out. 

            She felt movement at her side and suddenly her entire body relaxed as a hand landed softly in her hair.

            "Syd? Sydney. I need you to open your eyes for me. Please, Syd. Just let me see your eyes." 

            She could hear his voice, feel his touch, and she wanted to scream out for him _Vaughn!!, but the restraints held her down. _

            She began to thrash as she struggled to open her eyes.

            "Syd, Sydney! Stop, stop! It's ok. Shh. Slow down, relax, it's going to be ok." His lips landed lightly on her head and all movement stopped. His very touch seemed to release the restraints holding her into the darkness.

            "Vau-Vaughn?" She screamed, her voice so scratchy it came out as barely a whisper.

            "Yeah. I'm right here Sydney. Open you're eyes for me baby. Open your eyes."

            Slowly, as if the simple task of lifting her eye lids took all of her strength, she opened her eyes, blinking to clear them of the fog that had surrounded her head and smiled softly when they landed on the sharp green orbs in front of her.

            "Hi." She whispered as tears sprung into his eyes.

            "Oh, thank God." He whispered as he leaned down and kissed her softly. "Oh thank God you're ok." He sniffled slightly and let out a sharp chuckle as he brushed the hair out of her face. "Oh, you're ok. You're ok."

            She leaned into him as he bent down and embraced her softly, mindful of her injuries. "Where are we?" She whispered into his chest as he kissed the crown of her head.

            "LA General. We brought you in about 6 days ago." He pulled back and she lifted her hand, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "I was so scared. So scared." He caught her hand and kissed the inside of her palm, her wrist before taking it in both of his hands.

            "Sark?"

            "He's dead. Your dad shot him." She nodded as the words came out emotionlessly.

            "Sloane?" She saw the slight hesitation and sighed. "Bastard." She muttered as she shifted her gaze out the window.

            "I'm going to go get the doctor. Ok?" He asked as he softly rubbed up and down her arm. "Syd?"

            But she didn't hear him. Her gaze was focused out the window, her mind wondering where the hell he could be.


	12. Chapter 12

Title:** If Only Once More**  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13)  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.  
  
A/N: Wow… June 30th… That was the last time I wrote one of these chapters. Seems like forever and a day ago. Sorry about the wait, but… life got in the way. I'm trying to get some writing done, but it's a b—ch.

**Ch.**** 12**

He stared watching her for a moment as he questioned whether or not she would respond to his touch, wondered whether or not she even could hear him. Glancing at the door quickly, he gave her hand a small squeeze. "I'll be right back, Syd. I promise."  He whispered softly before rushing out the door.

Flying out of the room, he swung through the door and skidded around the corner, in search of Jack. Spotting the man just down the hallway, talking to the doctor, Vaughn began to run down the hall, ignoring the looks of the people around him and the shouts from the nurse at the station just parallel from Sydney's room.

"Jack! Jack!"

The older man spun at the sound of his name being shouted from the other end of the hallway and his eyes grew slightly wider at the sight of the younger agent, at a full sprint making his way towards him.

"Vaughn, what is going on?" 

Struggling to catch his breath, Vaughn hunched over, bracing himself against his knees as he fought to secure air in his lungs. "She's…she's…awake." He gasped out as Jack moved closer to him.

Jack's eyes grew as he registered Vaughn's words and he automatically took off in the direction of his daughter's room, the doctor right behind him as Vaughn was left standing in the middle of the hallway, still struggling to breathe.

Opening the door, he was assaulted by memories. Memories that he couldn't block out of his head. Memories that he wanted nothing more than to expel from all aspects of his mind and throw into the Pacific Ocean. Memories of all the injuries she sustained, of all the times he wished he could have been there to simply take away the pain, times when he couldn't because of a simple eight lettered word. And now that he could be there for her, now when he could be there to take it all away for her, she was shutting out the world.

Vaughn stood in the door way as he watched, helplessly, as Jack and the doctor were pleading with Sydney. Pleading for what, he didn't know, their voices had no sound, all he could see was her, sitting stark still, in her sterile white hospital bed, staring out of the window, staring into a deep chasm of emptiness.

_"Hey." He walked through the front door, closing it softly behind him as he shrugged off his jacket, laying it softly on the end of the counter. Walking towards her, he was tempted to call out again only, having not received a response the first time, but quickly decided against that when he saw her face._

_Leaning on the back of the sofa, her knees brought up to her chest, she sat on the floor, staring into the fire as the bright red-orange flames danced across the logs, snapping and hissing._

_Slowly, he approached her. When he reached the back of the sofa, he stood for a moment and watched her. Her eyes never straying from their spot in the middle of the fire, the heat that usually radiated from her whenever she was in his presence seemed to have been cooled, something was off._

_Stepping around he went to her side, taking a seat next to her, he kept his body turned towards her instead of the fire and watched as she kept her gaze forward, never having acknowledged his appearance, her focus never straying from the flames._

_"__Sydney__?" He whispered softly, only be met with the same non-response as before. Taking a chance, he carefully placed his hand on her shoulder. Expecting her to do something, turn towards him, flinch, tense, anything_, but certainly not this.__

_Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she sat there, unmoving, her position never wavering. "__Sydney__? __Sydney__ what is it?" Vaughn began to softly plead as he moved closer to her. Softly, he brushed away the tears with the pads of this thumbs as he whispered, "Syd, what's wrong? __Sydney__… __Sydney__ please. __Sydney__, you're scaring me."_

_She sat there, unmoving as he shifted so that he sat in front of her. Taking her face in his hands, he forced her to meet his eyes. She stared blankly at him, tears cascading down her face as she looked at him, and he prayed for something to happen._

_Moments passed slowly. Timed seemed to have no value as the sat there, her face in his hands, tears silently falling down her face as she looked into his eyes, and then suddenly, she broke. Deep, body shaking sobs racked her body and she began to crumble. Pulling her towards him, he held her close, allowing everything to expel from her body as she cried._

_By the time her sobs had subsided, the fire had almost ceased to exist. The room was cold and her body shook with shivers as she struggled to keep it together. Not wanting to push her too far, Vaughn kept silent, knowing that if she wanted to talk to him, she would._

_"This is never going to end." She whispered softly into his chest, bringing them out of their silence. _

_He wanted more than anything to be able to tell her that, that wasn't the case. That one day, Sloane would be taken away, that everything she had worked so hard for, for so long, would finally be over, but he couldn't. Because he didn't know. Instead, he tightened his arms around her, and held her tightly until the fire died away, and she fell asleep in his arms._

"She's not going to answer you." Jack turned to look at the voice coming from the doorway, shocked by the sudden accusation.

"What do you mean, she's not going to answer me?"

"She's gone Jack." Vaughn took several steps forward, coming to stand next to the bed, not meeting Jack's gaze, instead keeping his eyes set on Sydney. "It finally got to her. All the uncertainty, all the near misses, all the compartmentalizing, it finally got to her."

He took Sydney's hand in his own and turned his gaze to Jack's, meeting the older man's gaze dead on. "And I don't know if we can ever get her back."


	13. Chapter 13

Title: **If Only Once More**  
  
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)  
  
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13)  
  
'Ship: S/V  
  
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.  
  
A/N: This one's for **Jude**. Who's been making me feel guilty for the last counts nine months so I would sit down and write. Like I said, eventually. There will probably be one more chapter after this. Italics indicate a thought (if only a line or two) or a flashback (if a long section).

**  
  
Ch.**** 13**

It had taken him almost a full hour to force Jack out of the room. An hour of begging and pleading. An hour of revealing things he thought he would never have to reveal to that man.

Closing the door behind him, Vaughn turned to face her. She had yet to move. Her body was covered in bandages and stitches, every inch of her seemed to be swallowed by white gauze.

Grabbing her hand, he sat down on the bed next to her, facing her direction. His thumb ran over the smooth skin on the back of her hand, the one place that seemed unmarred.

Swallowing deeply, he looked up at her. Her eyes were still focused on the now darkened streets of LA. _Had she even blinked?_

"Do you- Do you remember, it was just after the mission to India, I gave you tickets to a mini-golf course? I wanted nothing more than to take you myself. To go and get ice cream at the Santa Monica pier, play mini-golf in the afternoon, catch a movie in the evening and then take you home with me. But I couldn't. I could locate you on the other side of the world as I sat at my desk in LA but I couldn't take you to the movies. And it drove me insane.

"I watched you that afternoon. I was out with Donovan and saw you. At least, that's what I sat to try and convince myself. Truth is, I knew where you were and wanted to see you. Even if I had to stand on the other side of the fence, I wanted to see you having fun. I have never seen you more beautiful than you were that day.

"The smile on your face lit up the entire park and I just…I fell for you all over again. It hurt to be standing on the other side of that fence. I thought that was the worst feeling in the world; being on the outside looking in on what I couldn't have.

"Nothing will ever been more painful than the three days I spent thinking I was never going to see you again."

Tears pooled in his eyes as he fought back the lump rising in his throat.

"I don't exactly know what I would have done if Sark had…If we hadn't fou-…" tears began to slowly cascade down Vaughn's cheeks as he struggled to remain composed. Taking several deep breaths, he tried to wipe the tears out of his eyes to no avail. "You are the one thing in my life that makes sense."

He broke down then. His entire body lurched forwards as image after image of them together assaulted his mind. Loosing all self restraint completely, he sank into her lap, gripping her hand tightly between his as tears fell onto the crisp clean sheets.

  
  
_He slammed the door behind him as he entered, jerking off his jacket and tossing it to the floor on top of his briefcase. He muttered under his breath as he made his way further into the apartment, the scowl never leaving his face._

_ "So I'm guessing today was a _really great day_, huh?"_

_ "Funny." He shot back as he sat down on the stool behind the counter, meeting the smirking face on the other side. "Son of a bitch was on my case all day long! _Nothing_ was good enough for him. Everything I did was lacking something. And then, oh and then! He brings __Kendall__ into it! I mean, Hell! I could not get a moment of peace in that damn building all day. Everyone had something for me to do and somehow I managed to do all of it wrong! I swear, we ever decide to get married and he'll not only find something wrong with everything I do, but find a way to _transfer me_ to some place so far away it's beyond being funny."_

_ Smiling, she sat down next to him, having made her way to the other side of the counter as he had vented his anger. "Well, it's a little bit funny."_

_ She was met with a cold stare as she bit back a laugh, turning his chair towards her. "Oh he'll get over it."_

_ "_He'll get over it_?! Syd, I don't think you understand what my day was like today!"_

_ "Vaughn, trust me, he'll get over it. Not only will he get over it, but he'll even learn to like you and respect you as more than just my handler."_

_ "No, Sydney, I don't think you understa-"_

_ Leaning in, she cut him off, capturing his lips in hers. Cupping his cheek gently, she moved slightly closer, securing his silence. Breaking away slowly, she smiled softly at him, running her fingertip over his lower lip._

_ "He'll get over it."_

_ "He'll get over it." Vaughn reiterated as he smiled, __Sydney__ nodding slowly. Grinning he pulled her back to him, tangling his fingers in her hair as he met her lips again._

  
  
The tears in his eyes had yet to dry as his body began to shake with sobs.

"Sydney…I don't know what I'd do if I never got the chance to tell you that I love you again."

And as suddenly as they had started, his tears stopped. His body lay rigid as he felt the feather light touch run across his scalp.

Slowly raising his head, he met her eyes. The tiniest of smiled played across her face.

"Sydney?"

Her fingers dropped to his cheek, playing across the contours of his face as her lips moved slowly. No sound came out of them, as she struggled to form words.

"Me too."


	14. Chapter 14

Title: **If Only Once More**

Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)

Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R but a touch more than PG-13)

'Ship: S/V

Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game. Heh. Season 2. Weird.

A/N: Man. Well, I felt like I needed to finish this. Wow. Blast from the past. Anyways, my style's probably changed, buuuuut I'm trying to tie up loose ends so hopefully I can still do this. There's one left after this (I've almost finished it so that's how I know). And this one is for my Molly. Who is my dearest heart and the one girl who understands the tortured writer that I am. Or you know, big freak. Either or. Italics are flashbacks.

**Ch. 14**

His reaction was immediate. His breath came in gasps as his eyes locked hers. He shook involuntarily as he stood slowly and backed towards the door slowly. Cracking open the door Vaughn managed to find his voice.

"Jaaack!"

Closing the door behind him, Vaughn made his way back to the bed, kneeling down next to her.

"I need you, I need you to just relax for a minute. You've been, um, you've been out for a while." He took a deep breath, trying to keep his tears away, forcing himself not to lose it in front of her. "We…we're back in LA. You, you have some pretty extensive injuries. A lot of, um, rehab is going to be needed but I'll um…"

His words were halted by the feel of her hand against his.

"Vaughn." Her voice was scratchy from nonuse.

Trying to pull himself together, he kept his eyes focused on the bed, letting his fingers glide across the ripples on the sheets.

"And Jack should be here any second with the doctor to tell us everything. You know, when we can leave. And we have a team working hard to find Sloane; making sure that-"

"Michael."

And that was when he shattered.

_She walked in, immediately sliding off her jacket and shoes, dropping her back by the counter._

_"Vaughn?" She clicked on a light._

_A groan met her reply and she quickly dimmed the lights in the living room. "Sorry. Were you sleeping?"_

_"No. Just resting."_

_Pulling her hair out from the tight ponytail, Sydney moved towards the couch slowly. "Bad day?"_

_"Sorta." She reached the other side of the couch and sat next to him._

_"Bad, how?"_

_He slowly turned towards her and she gasped softly. "Oh God, Vaughn. What happened?" Sitting up, she lightly trailed a finger along the black and blue gash running all around his eye._

_"I had a slight…_disagreement_ at work today."_

_"A disagreement?"_

_"Yeah, the guy I was getting video of in San Diego? Didn't want surveillance taken on him. Felt that I was…not welcomed on his property." He raised his hand, pointing a finger at his swollen eye. "His security guard showed me how he felt about intruders."_

_"Didn't you have back up?" She asked, walking to the kitchen and grabbing a bag of frozen peas._

_"No. I was supposed to but someone pulled them off at the last moment."_

_"Who?" She sat back next to him, placing the bag over his eye slowly._

_"The man who's supposed to be 'getting over' things."_

_"Man." She molded the bag to his eye. "Just relax. I'll talk to him. He's not taking this very well."_

_"No. He's not Sydney. What he _is_ doing is trying to find ways to get me killed so he doesn't have to."_

_Rolling her eyes, she clicked on the TV, SportCenter immediately showing up. Leaning back, she fitting neatly against his shoulder. "Just watch the top 10 Michael."_

_Grinning, he pressed the peas against his eye, wrapping his arm around her. "Michael, huh?"_

_"Not the first time you've heard it."_

_He smirked, leaning down to whisper, "First time I've heard it without it being screamed."_

"Michael, I'm okay."

Sitting up to look at her, Vaughn blinked back tears. "Syd, you just went catatonic because of everything. Excuse me if I'm a little-"

"I know." She cut in gently, cupping his cheek. "But…I could hear you. Wherever I was, I could hear everything you were saying to me. And you're right."

"I'm right?"

"You're the only thing in my life that makes sense. And I want to keep fighting. Right beside you."

She smiled at him softly as the doors burst open and a stream of people came through, pulling him away and spitting a myriad of questions at her.

He smiled softly as he backed out of the room, walking down the hall in search of something to drink.

"Mr. Vaughn." He turned back and made eye contact with the older man standing in her doorway.

"I'll call you when I know you can take her home."

"Thanks Jack."


End file.
